Daddy Issues Read online

  Daddy Issues

  Written by

  Viv Love

  Copyright © 2016 by Val Pugh-Love

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Printed in the United States of America.

  ISBN: 978-0-9982706-1-6

  First Printing, 2016

  Val Pugh Publishing

  www.valpughlove.com

  Shreveport, LA 71129

  Acknowledgments

  Of course, I must thank God first. Without Him, there would be no me. I thank Him for my talent, confidence, dedication, family, friends, and supporters.

  Thanks to my husband and best friend, Willie. You have always supported my dreams and made my life easier. I appreciate the millions of times you allowed me to read to you. I thank you for sincerely being interested in my story. Thanks for your ideas, support, and love. You are truly a blessing.

  To my babies, Chandler, Chase, Tre, and Kennedy, thanks so much for believing in me and for thinking that your mom is awesome and famous. Thanks for being cool characters in my children’s books. Your bravery helped me become more confident. Your talents helped me embrace mine. You are all so amazing, and I love you endlessly.

  To my siblings Kenya, De’Shima, Paulika, and Paul (LaTonya), thanks so much for your input when I texted you all hours of the day and night. I appreciate your honesty, support, and sincerity. Thank you for buying my books without expecting anything free. Your support and input means so much to me. When I am rich, I’ll take you all on a nice vacation. 

  Mom and Dad, thanks for your support and for always telling everyone what your baby girl is doing. Your love, support, and all the times you bragged on me helped me push even harder. I love you both so much…

  Grandma (and Mama Annie), thanks for being the inspiration for my first book. You opened so many doors for me, and I will love you forever.

  Cousins, Wolfpack, Elementary Friends, and Childhood Friends! You already know what it is. Thanks for your input, continued support, and for being eager to read this book. I hope I didn’t disappoint you!

  Aunts and Uncles, thanks for being proud of me. That helped fuel my passion.

  Social Media family, the likes, shares, and comments really do help! You all made me feel famous lol. Thanks for your support. A special thanks for the heartfelt inboxes.

  TBSP, thanks so much for your input, referrals, and support!

  Editing clients, thanks for being brutally honest with me, just as I was with you. Watching each of you win awards and write multiple books helped fuel my drive. Keep up the great work!

  Kanika, this cover is amazing! People do judge a book by its cover. Thank you for making my readers want to read my book. You stuck with the vision and gave me life!

  This has not been an easy journey, but it has truly been worth the fight. I love you all!

  Queen V

  ~

  “I've got the stuff that you want.

  I've got the thing that you need.

  I've got more than enough

  To make you drop to your knees.

  ‘Cause I'm the queen of the night;

  The queen of the night…”

  Whitney Houston

  ~

  Introduction

  My name is Vivian McQueen, and I am a counselor by day and Queen the Dominatrix by night. Although my father died when I was a baby, I grew up hating him. From what I’ve heard, he was mean, horny, drunk, and abusive to my mother. I can believe that he would have hated me as much as I hate him. The stories of my father messed me up so bad mentally that I brought baggage into every relationship I ever attempted with a man. I expected them all to abuse me, cheat on me, hurt me, and make a fool of my love. I expected them to be my father. In an effort to get over the pain of my issues, I began to search for a cure through excessive dating. I dated executives, firefighters, younger men, fat men, fine men, older men, and even drug dealers. Each date only fueled my resentment and daddy issues, because each man had the characteristics of my daddy. After so many years of failed relationships, Queen, my alter ego began to form inside me just as a fetus grows inside a woman’s womb. I could feel her develop more each day, and I longed for the day she would be born. Her desires became my desires, and her behaviors began to take over me.

  She was born on the day that the firefighter choked me during sex. I was afraid that he’d kill me, yet I had no desire to remove his hands from my neck. The more he choked me, the harder he fucked me. The harder he fucked me, the closer I came to climaxing. When I released my juices on his dick, Queen was born. Her birth changed my life completely. I became a different person, and my sexual appetite grew darker, while my sexual addiction grew stronger. I continued to date, and the failed attempts became less painful with my alter ego in control. Queen introduced me to a world that few people know exists. In her world, men are bound by chains, handcuffs, spikes, and whips. They refer to her as Queen or Madam, and they submit to her commands. The men are punished for causing pain, and they are forced to provide sexual pleasure to women as Queen sees fit. Not all of the submissives are willing participants, but that’s their punishment for hurting innocent women. Besides, pain is the new pleasure…

  Chapter 1

  The Beginning

  My mother, Bella McQueen, is a strikingly beautiful woman with creamy dark skin and light brown eyes. From the looks of her nice figure on a 5’6” frame, you’d think she was still a model instead of a recovering cocaine addict. Sadly, her life took a turn for the worst when she was raped by her stepfather. He was the only father that she knew, and she was always very close to him. I remember her telling me how they had such a perfect family at one point in time. Her parents would take her and her siblings to the aquarium in Baton Rouge every summer. They’d go to church together at least twice a month, and they always had family gatherings at their house. Everything was good until her stepfather lost his job and found a drinking habit. It started with a glass of wine here or there. He would dress up in the mornings and spend the day searching for a new job. After a long day of being rejected, he’d relax with a couple of drinks. When the wine couldn’t erase his depression, he switched to bourbon and then scotch.

  As her stepfather’s drinking habits progressed, so did his dirty looks that eventually led to him forcing himself on my mother one drunken night. He promised to kill my grandmother, my mother, and my mother’s siblings if she told anyone what happened. So, at the age of seventeen, my mom hopped on a bus and headed to Northwest Louisiana. She picked up a job as a stripper at the local gentlemen’s club. One of her stripper friends helped her secure a fake I.D., and she jumped head first into the fast money lifestyle. When the tips weren’t flowing fast enough, she would take on escort jobs.

  One night, she got called on an escort gig that changed the game for good. When she showed up to meet with this particular client, she was surprised by how sexy he was. She entered the room prepared to do her job, collect her money, and wait for the next call. However, this client had the room laid out like some shit off TV.

  There were candles and rose petals everywhere. He had soft music playing and wine chilling. She could have sworn she was either in the wrong room or being punk’d. Her client was very polite when she entered the room. He offered her a glass of wine with a side of bright red fresh strawberries. He was a gorgeous man with thick, curly hair and intoxicating grey eyes. His skin tone was a beautiful golden hue, and his smile that was accompanied by one dimple in his left cheek could light up any room.

  Bella accepted the wine, and they spent the rest of the evening getting to know each other. She eventually lea
rned that her client purposely sought her out because he was captivated by her beauty. He informed her that he was interested in showing her a life of luxury. They sat and talked for a while, and she learned that his mother named him Vincent Bourdeaux, but he was known as Vinny or Daddy in the streets. Vinny had a rough childhood in the 9th Ward of New Orleans, so his mama moved him and his brother to Shreveport. His father was incarcerated for beating a man to death who tried to rob his mother. The cops also added a few drugs charges on him. Vincent had a hard time coping with his father being in jail. Therefore, that led him to selling drugs by the time he was eleven years old.

  He was the kingpin of his area until he was busted and sentenced to juvenile life at the age of fourteen. That didn’t stop his flow though. You see, he was a lil nigga with big balls. He was taking orders from his father who was still respected in the streets while he was locked up in Alcatraz. Vinny served his time in juvie and went right back to running the streets like his pops trained him. Although his mother moved him and his brother to Shreveport, he still made a name for himself in the streets. Nothing came through without his permission – no drugs, escorts, prostitutes, stolen goods, nothing.

  He had been watching Bella for a while, and he knew that he had to have her. Like every other woman that crossed paths with Vinny, my mother became hooked on him like she was hooked on the pipe. After a night of ecstasy, he convinced her to leave the club and work for him full time. He was willing to pay her double, but she had to abide by his rules. My mother became the main girl for the man who would become my brothers’ father. He also happened to be the biggest pimp and drug dealer in the city. Although Vinny took good care of Bella, she gave birth to my two older brothers in a drug-infested motel in Bossier. He never involved the police or paramedics in any of his affairs. He had a few doctors, lawyers, politicians, and other officials on his payroll, so he would call them up as needed. His on-call doctor delivered both of my brothers.

  After several years of working the streets and becoming more addicted to drugs, my mother decided to leave Vinny. When she broke the news that she was leaving, he kicked her ass, emptied her purse, and sent her on her way without my brothers. He even reminded her that she was only good for sucking, fucking, and making pretty babies. That’s some shit to say to the woman who brought in over $5,000 each week.

  Bella took on a job as a waitress at a local sports bar. She made good tips, but they didn’t hold a flame to the money she made with Vinny. Eventually, she grew tired of the rude customers and chump change tips. However, since she wasn’t familiar with Shreveport, she couldn’t just jump back into the street life. Therefore, she began to canvas the city to see if the street life was worth living again.

  She eventually met my father who was a high-functioning alcoholic and an occasional drug user. Based on the stories I heard growing up, their relationship started off really well just like any other relationship my mother had with a man. Then, things somehow turned sour, and my mom was left alone again. At a young age, I began to think that my mother was a punk who didn’t know how to handle men. I really hate that she had such a terrible history with her relationships. She’s far too beautiful and kind to have to deal with the disrespect she has faced.

  ***

  I was born and raised in the early ‘80s in the MLK area of Shreveport, LA. We all know that every low-income black neighborhood has a street named after the hood’s first black president - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. My mother did the best she could do for me. Vinny rarely let her see my brothers. She had a rocky life after my daddy beat her into labor while she was pregnant with me. Luckily, we both survived the brutal attacking. Too bad his ass died instantly when my mother shot him in the back of his head a month later. I wish the motherfucker had suffered brain damage instead of being lucky enough to die.

  When I was a kid, I always asked my mom why I didn’t have a dad like the other kids in school. She would always change the subject by asking me about my day. I remember seeing her eyes well up with tears each time, but she never answered my question. I was ten years old when I found out the truth about my daddy. My aunt came over to visit with my mother, and I had to go in my room as usual. I would always close my door and play with my toys until Aunt D.K. left, but something was different about the visit this time. Aunt D.K. brought a gold envelope that had my mother’s name written on it. Mother looked petrified after she peeked at the envelope’s contents. I didn’t know what was in that envelope, but I was determined to find out.

  As I sat in my room with a cup against the wall, I could hear my mother begin to cry. Aunt D.K. whispered that she would make it all disappear. I was anxious to know what it was that had my mom in such a panic. They turned on some music to drown out their voices, so I crept out of my bedroom into the hallway to hear them better. As I crawled down the hall, I could see my mother holding up a newspaper article that read: Detectives Have a Lead in the Slaying of Franklin Camden. I didn’t know who Franklin Camden was, but something told me that my mother had something to do with his murder. The strange thing is that the man looked familiar to me, even though I’d never seen him a day in my life. I kept staring at his picture until it hit me, and I knew he had to be my daddy.

  My mom and auntie were so wrapped up in their conversation that they didn’t even realize that I was sitting behind the couch with my knees pulled up to my chest. I knew I was likely to get a good old-fashioned whoopin’ for listening to grown folks’ conversation, but I needed to know the truth about Franklin Camden. While I sat as still and as quietly as I could, my mother began to speak very calmly and quietly about that night.

  “D.K., it wasn’t planned. I swear it wasn’t. I just didn’t want him to hurt us again. Vivian had to stay in NICU for three months because of what that motherfucker did to me. I had been at the hospital all day long, and I just needed some fresh air. So I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. As I walked through the park, I could tell someone was following me. I turned around several times, but no one was there. I even dipped into the sandwich shop just to be sure I wasn’t crazy.

  “I sat for about ten minutes, and everything seemed normal. So I decided to head on back to the hospital. Suddenly, someone grabbed me and covered my mouth. The fumes from the cloth knocked me out, and I woke up inside Frankie C’s apartment. My panties were soaked in blood, and he sat at the foot of the bed smoking a damn crack pipe. That son of a bitch raped me and popped my damn stitches. I guess he didn’t expect me to wake up, because he sat with his back to me as he continued to get high. I managed to grab his gun from the nightstand without disturbing him. Apparently, he had plans to kill me, since his silencer was attached. Without a second thought, I shot that motherfucker in the back of his damn head.

  “I was in so much pain, but I managed to change the sheets and remove the cover that was protecting the mattress from the blood that was pouring from my vagina. I changed into the clothes that I left at his place the last time I was there. I threw the bloody clothes and mattress cover in a big trash bag and disposed of them at the hospital. I knew it wouldn’t be taboo if they found the bloody items there. I got back to the hospital just in time for the nurses to make their rounds. It was so busy in there that night, so no one even knew I had left. I didn’t mean to do it, D.K.! I swear! That motherfucker was gonna kill me, and I wasn’t having that. My baby girl needed me…”

  “Keep your voice down, Bella,” Aunt D.K. whispered. “I told you that I will take care of everything. You just take this money, and take my niece on a little trip. By the time you return, this will all be a dream.”

  Aunt D.K. handed my mother a stack of hundreds that totaled ten thousand dollars. My heart raced as I thought about everything I’d just heard. I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but I eased to my room and began to pack my things. We were headed on a vacation thanks to my mother killing my abusive father. It didn’t really matter much to me where we were going. I was just ready to leave the hood for a while. My mom walked A
unt D.K. outside. Meanwhile, I packed everything that could fit into my Rainbow Bright duffle bag, including my Cabbage Patch dolls. I didn’t know where we were going, but I was going to be ready.

  When my mother came back in, she came straight to my room. I could tell that she tried to fix her face up so I wouldn’t know that she was crying, but her eyes were red and puffy. Still, she tried to perk up and act normal.

  “Hey kiddo. What are you doing in here?” she asked as she sat on my twin bed and glanced at my packed bags.

  “Oh, I’m just playing with my doll,” I said, trying to act as if I didn’t follow her eyes.

  “You going somewhere?”

  Knowing my cover was blown, I had to confess that I overheard her conversation with Aunt D.K.

  “Well… um… I kinda heard you and Aunt D.K. talking, and I know we have to go out of town for a little bit. I just wanted to be ready so you wouldn’t have to wait on me. I know it’s an emergency, and I have your back, Mama.”

  “Baby girl, you know how I feel about you eavesdropping. I’m not gonna whip your butt this time, but make that your last time ever listening to my conversations. What all did you hear?”

  “I think I know who my daddy is, and I know why he’s never been around. Is it true, Mama? Did he really do those bad things to you? If he did, I’m glad you killed that nig-… I mean… I’m glad he wasn’t around me! A man better never ever hurt me like that man did you! He ain’t my daddy! I swear I’ll punish any man that even thinks about hurting you, me, or any woman ever again!” I exclaimed as I grabbed my plastic orange baseball bat for protection from whomever.

  “Calm down, macho-woman. I don’t want you to worry about anything. Don’t you breathe a word of this to your cousins. When you’re a little older, I’ll tell you more. As of right now, make sure you have enough clothes for two weeks. We’re going on a road trip. I figure we can visit your cousins in Dallas for a few days, and then fly on out to Oakland to see some more cousins.”